How is the challenge going so far for you all that read my last post? I have even joined the challenge and it’s going pretty great for me, to be honest! If you have read the new issue of Spotlight then you will notice the title of this post looks familiar. These ladies are the brave souls that lent me their voices for the wellness. They got extremely candid about their journey to self-love and what self-love looks like to them.
When I was younger I was bullied about everything. From how I dressed, if I wasn’t as pretty as other girls, or just people being ignorant. I had lost all self-confidence and self-love I had within myself and my family could tell. It wasn’t until my junior year of high school I had really begun to love myself. I started saying affirmations to myself in the morning or just going to church. I started not to care what people thought about me because it’s not there life to live nor am I ever going to see these people again. I remember one time where my friend Deja said to me “I like how you don’t care what people think of you and you’re carefree, I think that’s why I like being friends with you most”. That boosted my confidence because somebody actually saw something in me. It was refreshing to hear it from someone outside of my family. I had to learn that nobodies opinion matters unless you let it. People are going to talk and criticize all they want, it’s never going to stop. You just have to learn how to handle it. Once you get that self-love within you, I promise no one can ever tell you anything about yourself. Live in the moment. We’re humans we make mistakes, but learn from them. We’re never going to be perfect, so live life while you’re young and have fun. We only have this opportunity once.
The majority of my adolescent years were spent in a deep depression; years of harming, starving, and hating myself. I was never one to call myself pretty, nor could I come to terms with who I really was. My inner voices always spoke, and they yelled their words of negativity. They would hiss in my ear, tell me that I wasn’t good enough. No one would love me. You can’t eat today because you’ll regret it tomorrow. I was engulfed in self-hatred and needed a way out. In the fall of 2017, I decided that suicide was my ticket to freedom. And, on the night of my attempt, I saw something I never expected to. A light at the end of my depression tunnel. I was admitted into a hospital. I received the help along with the medication I needed. I managed to silence the voices of unreason, to become the best version of myself. I managed to silence the voices of unreason, to become the best version of myself. I began to develop and grow; find out who I was as a person. I was able to start my first romantic relationship, pursue endeavors I enjoy, and hang out with friends without feeling guilty. I felt the feeling of happiness, an emotion I hadn’t experienced in years!I realized that I had finally accepted who I was the day I took a picture of myself and liked what I saw. I didn’t see a girl who was ashamed of her race, acne, or weight. I saw a girl, smiling because she didn’t die when she saw no other option. I saw a girl who was ready to start her life. A girl who was ready to start a new.
To me, self-love is the ultimate gift you can give to yourself. Self-love is a gift so great you would not have to depend, rely upon, or burden anyone else to create you into a whole person. Self-love is a gift so great to yourself, holds you accountable to deliver your very best self to you first. Then to others, you love, befriend, care for and most of all share your life with. Every young lady should go into any “ships” e.g. relationships, friendships, courtships, partnerships, internships and others with the firm consideration and confidence. I must be whole in self-love with myself so that I can show, share, and provide whole love to someone else. Self-Love = Ultimate Confidence from a higher power than ourselves. Consider, someone had to love you first for your existence that showed, shared and provided the ultimate sacrifice whether it’s a heavenly father Jesus Christ, your family, friends, or acquaintances which all equates to your makeup. Who are you? What makes you, you?
Let me share first, I am a strong, confident and focused multicultural women at first site appears to only be black (stop judging books by their cover) but underneath is the makeup of the daughter of King from heaven, roots of my ancesters, the DNA structure of my biological mother and father from the dust of this earth but the brains and brawn of the ultimate energy source Jesus Christ who spare my life every day I open my eyes, take a breath and begin my surrender prayer for another opportunity to fight for my eternal life. I am a leader in spirit, mind, and soul despite my earthly holdings, titles, material possessions, or money. I am worth more than your eyes see, and more than the average man spends in Benjamin’s. I am the wind beneath my own feet due to you will not see me coming with my creative moves and try to retreat when it’s too late. My heavenly father provides me armor, shield, and sword to slay all day in his name as I pray bad spirits away.
My favorite song is Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars. This song has helped me over so much during the past year. I have always been self-conscious about myself. I’ve always wanted to look like the other girls with pretty long hair and the skinny figure. I’ve always tried to dress like them, but it hurt my heart every time when I couldn’t fit into the clothes. It wasn’t until seventh grade when I realized this is who I am and that I needed to love myself. I decided to change to a healthier lifestyle. At first, I was headstrong about my diet and exercise. After I lost seven pounds the cookies and the chips started to haunt me. Sadly, I slipped back into my old ways and was worse than what I was before.
Before I knew it I was 200 pounds by the 11th grade. When I saw that number on the scale my heart shattered and tears started to roll down my cheeks. That’s when I knew I wasn’t eating because I was hungry. I was eating to drown my sorrow in not looking like everyone else. I sat down and began to draw a game plan of how I was going to reach my physical goals, spiritual goal, and mental goals.
I began to eat healthier and exercise. After losing the initial seven pounds I was motivated to keep going so I didn’t touch the chips and cookies. Day after day, week after week, I began to drop more and more weight. I was determined to reach my goals. I was determined to learn self-love and self-value. Before I knew it I had lost 52 pounds. To this day I sit and think if I hadn’t gone through my struggles I wouldn’t be where I am today. Healthy and Confident.
Woah! Thes ladies were so transparent with journey. It’s truly inspiring! For more of what was in the February issue of Spotlight click the cover below.
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